We've lived in our house almost 2 years. Apparently the old cat lady that lived in our house before it was torn down and rebuilt fed some stray cats and they've just hung around and mooched and mooched and mooched. Well we personally have never fed these cats, but I think they still like to pass through our yard once in a while just because they can and also because the dumbass neighbors behind us feed these cats and the cats crawl under our fence to shorten the distance from here to there without walking around the block. During the winter they found shelter under the shed and on the chair under the tarp that covered our patio furniture. And we know when we can't get Guinness to come back inside because he's whining in some corner of the yard, it's because he's spotted one of these stray felines and has his sights set on getting a hold of it. Dumb dog...we have one just like it in the house, now get your ass inside!!!
So over the past few weeks, hubbie has grown increasingly frustrated by this one particular stray black cat. It darts out from under the funkia bushes or whatever they are when he's mowing the lawn. And a little part of him wishes he could run it over with the lawn mower....ok, a big part of him wishes that. So most recently he's threatened to get a pellet gun and maim this cat. Well, on Friday night, hubbie was outside talking to our neighbor across the street. And I come to find out, this neighbor lent Sean a pellet gun to finally get revenge on this cat.
When we were out and about on Saturday, while I went to a bridal shower, he went to the store and bought...PELLETS!!!! So he's really taking these steps towards maiming this poor cat. And it breaks my heart. I hate the cat too, but can't we just put a really clean piece of glass by the fence and watch as he runs head on into it? At least we'd be able to laugh about the whole thing and I wouldn't have to cry because he hurt an animal. So yesterday, while he was doing something, I noticed he left the pellets out on the counter. So I decided (mwa..ha...ha...ha...ha) I'd HIDE THEM!!!! So I put them in a place he never looks!!! In the china closet drawer!!!! Like I said MWAAAA...HA...HA...HA...HA!!!!!!
So also, yesterday, I was outside, cleaning the interior of my truck (yeah I don't know why either, but my back is screaming at me for it today...let's not talk about it), which made me have to go and open the shed door in order to get the Armor-All out. Well, then I got side tracked...hubbie left for work (double time...OT baby!!!!)...then friends stopped by and dropped off a bunch of stuff for Aunty Pocklock for the days she has Li'l Foot on Fridays...and then they invited Li'l Foot and me to go to the movies to see Surf's Up (I'd blog about Li'l Foot's first movie theater experience, but it wa a non-event really, she zoned in on the screen the first 10-15 minutes and then fell asleep for the rest of the first half and then woke up, ate and just watched from my lap...like I said...a non-event really). So after the movie I headed straight for Pocklock's house to drop off all the goodies. I did not pass go, nor did I collect $200!!! I was there until 10. I don't know why (except that I love Pocklock and Mr. Pocklock!) but I stayed (it's not like I had a 5 month old to put to bed or anything) and watched the last episode of the Soprano's, which also was a non-event and so anti-climactic to the point of annoying, which by the way was the first episode of The Soprano's that I've watched since the very first season!!!! Whatever!!! When I did return home, I was pulling up our road and remember that I hadn't left the lights on for darn self (what do you think..we run a Motel 6 or something?...sheesh!!!) so I knew i'd have to pull the car in and leave the lights on while I ran up and unlocked the door and turned the outside lights on. So, I pulled in the driveway and as my lights scanned our property I noticed a creature making it's way into the shed...it was the CAT...the BLACK CAT...The one Sean wants to MAIM...SHIT!!!! So I jump out of the car, ran over hill and dale in our yard, careful not to step in doggie land mines and to not fall in a hole (our lawn isn't exactly even right now but we're working on it). I thought the motion alone would scare that black cat away, but it didn't so like a lunatic I tssssssssssssssstttt tssssssssssssssstttt at it as I was running across the yard. And it worked because he took off behind the shed and I shut the doors and locked them. I have no idea if anything was taken (I hope not), and furthermore, I have no idea if there were any other creatures in the shed...I was not going to stick around and find out!!!!!!
Oh my gosh...If hubbie knew that Cat was this close to putting a Home Sweet Home plaque on the outside of the shed door (right next to the deer antlers hubbie hung above the doors - Oh God, we so live in country-bumpkin land - did I really just admit to the webiverse that we have deer antlers hanging anywhere on our property - It was so not my idea - that was all hubbie!!!) he'd have a FIT!!! And then he'd go inside, deck himself out in camouflage, tie tree branches to his body pretending to be a bush, grab a can of cat food as bait, get the pellet gun, search high and low for the pellets I am HIDING and go stake himself out in the yard and wait as long as it takes to lure that BLACK CAT to our yard and not only MAIM him but take care of him Soprano's style...you want a better ending to last night's final episode of Soprano's I've got one and it includes hubbie and a black cat and a pellet gun with no pellets!!!
